french toast and and a glass half full…


Of french toast and a glass half full…

Ahhh. Saturday morning french toast. The best of breakfasts – especially if made with Il Pandoro cake and drizzled with organic maple syrup.

Makes me wonder how pure maple syrup could possibly NOT be organic though? Does anyone know the answer to this? I suppose I could look it up but I’m tucked snuggly back in bed and can’t be bothered taxing my brain by using a search engine…

Anyway! Enough of sharing our food and on to more “serious” matters…

This week I had scans. A CT scan and a whole body bone scan. These will be annual tests for me. Always at the beginning of January, which I have come to realise means that my New Year will, for the next five years, be sprinkled not so much with confetti or ticker tape (does that still exist?) but with anxiety and apprehension.

It may surprise you that most women/men who have been through early stage breast cancer treatment don’t get scans regularly as part of follow up? Our first world medical system decrees that people who’ve had cancer don’t need the regular nuclear bombardment from scans and should only be scanned if or when they go to a doctor with suspicious pain (liver, bones, brain, lungs) or swelling (local recurrance, bones, liver) or fainting (brain) or… Well, you get the idea…

I do get scanned annually for the next 5 years because I signed up to a research study where they want to find out if/when the cancer comes back.

With my research directed mind this seemed like a good idea. Which brings me to my “glass half full”. You all know the saying “glass half full”? The theory that people have personalities where they either see the positives in a situation or they see the negatives.

I used to be a positive person. You tell me the petrol tank is half empty and I tell you it’s half full. You tell me we are low on cash this month and I say “but we still have enough for a cup of coffee”.

Breast cancer has cost me that positivity. It has changed me. The person I used to be. The bubbly, glass half full, woman seems to have disappeared and in her/my place is a woman whose personality I barely recognise as my own. A woman who, when told that my scans were all CLEAR (unremarkable, no indications of metastatic disease) had the first thought…

But, what about next year…

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