February 2012 (Facebook) –
“This is all too challenging at the moment. Overwhelmed and sad. Trying to remember why I’m doing this to myself when the cancer I had is already gone. Chemo sucks. On the bright side – Tony is a good for hugs…”
I promised you that I would go back and pull some of my Fcebook and Twitter comments from last year here. I didn’t realise what a hard task this would be. You see, going back means revisiting not only my words but my emotions and experiences…
Above is my Facebook status from early February 2012. By that time I had lived through surgical port-a-cath insertion in my chest, two cycles of the chemo regimen FEC (3 drugs – 5FU, Epirubicin and Cyclophosphamide) and a bunch of invasive blood tests, scans and heart tests. And that is just the medical descriptions.
All of the above caused physical effects. My hair fell out. I had incisions that didn’t want to heal. I had bruises. I was nauseous. I ached. I was tired.
The important thing to notice from my message above though was the end bit. The bit about Tony.
Tony is my husband. At the time of my diagnosis we had been married 23 years, lived across two countries and had three teenage kids including one with special needs.
Tony has not only been good for hugs. He’s been good for so much more! He’s been there to hold me when I cried or when I was in pain. He’s been there beside me for every single darned appointment that I askedd him to be at. Appointments with oncologists, radiologists, psychologists, surgeons, chemo suite, nurses, inteventional radiologists. If I asked, he was there.
This man, that I first met at the age of 18 (we are both the same age) is amazing in his support.
He is not a great cook. He isn’t particularly social. He hates dancing. He doesn’t enjoy the same movies that I do. But none of that matters a jot and after all these years it is a blessing to be able to still see love in his eyes.
Love ya Tony…