Category Archives: life


December 7, 2014

Such a gap… 3 years…

There’s been changes of course. Change of job. Moved house.

Both directly a result of the whole breast cancer experience.

The job change was needed – to move away from living and working with cancer. And now I sit in a children’s hospital research centre. Managing paediatric studies is pretty far from cancer. Particularly since this hospital has a separate oncology group and my centre oversees everything else. And yes. At this point it is “my” centre as I manage the centre and the staff and projects.

The house move? Well we moved from our big house to… A big apartment. And the kids all came too – which is why it had to be a big apartment!

Our lives have become simpler. Less tied to maintenance and upkeep. And for the first time ever I have a garden. Actually, three gardens on three balconies. Strawberries. Tomatoes. Hedges. Grapes. Lettuce. Herbs. Geraniums. Lots of geraniums. All red to remind us of our time in France earlier this year. The image here is of the balcony off our bedroom. Watching a summer storm rolling in.

And yes. Just a few days ago the third year anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis past. No sign so far of it coming back – but my annual scans are due in January so an element of anxiety is setting in. Particularly in the early am when I’m lying awake (insomnia is a side effect of the drug I take daily to try and keep cancer from coming back).

Breast cancer does not dominate my life anymore and I rarely visit the support sites I used to. This is good – I think…

Whoever you are – I wish you a blessed Christmas and New Year this year.


Dear blog,

I feel that I’ve neglected you over the past weeks, and I apologise.

There’s been a few reasons. Probably the same ones you hear from almost everyone. You know? Busy at work. Busy at home. Busy studying.

But, there were a few other reasons too. Busy going to the movies. Busy going to dinners. Busy going to lunches. Busy entertaining at our home. Busy getting out for looong walks and enjoying nature. Busy trying to find happiness!

What I haven’t been busy with is very telling about where I am in this breast cancer survivorship path. I haven’t been busy going to doctor appointments. I haven’t had to visit any pathology collection centres or radiology centres. I haven’t had to fill a prescription (well, maybe just once recently).

I did manage to go and sit in on a survivors support group talk at my new cancer centre. It was on lymphodema and it just made me realise that my previous centre definitely didn’t address survivorship issues very well.

I do have a 3 monthly check-up coming up next week with my new oncologist. I’m not overly worried there’ll be anything to find. I have a couple of niggling pains that I am naturally paranoid about, so I guess we’ll need to get those checked. Statistics assure me they are likely nothing – but there’s always that niggling anxiety at the back of my brain…

Speaking of anxiety. I found an interesting article the other day in the New York Times, “Anxiety Lingers Long After Cancer”. It made me realise I am not alone. You may be interested in seeing it?

Anyway, must run. I’ve got some more living to do. The dog needs a walk I think!

❤ Jenn

A boost for brain training: Lumosity can help lift ‘chemo fog,’ study finds

Worried about chemo brain? This start-up appears, from research, to have games that can help improve your brain function with regular “brain training”. I’m going to give it a go to see if it can improve my defixits after the whole chemo experience.

What I need is to be able to improve my memory recall which really suffered…


Brain training – that booming yet much-debated business – just got another feather in its cap.

In a study published in the peer-reviewed journal Clinical Breast Cancer, Stanford researchers demonstrated that breast cancer patients who had been treated with chemotherapy improved their cognitive function after using exercises developed by brain training startup Lumosity. Created by neuroscientists, Lumosity offers dozens of games (to paying subscribers around the world) that claim to improve their memory, attention and creativity.

In the last few years, several studies have demonstrated that up to 75 percent of cancer patients can experience cognitive impairment and mental dullness, that can last five years or longer, after undergoing chemotherapy.

But research led by Shelli Kesler, assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford, found that breast cancer survivors who trained with Lumosity four times a week for 12 weeks significantly improved in measures of executive function…

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our medical choices aren’t always painless…

Can I have a bit of a whine?

This past week I had a revision surgery following my bilateral mastectomy and free TRAM reconstruction last September. This surgery involved reopening the incisions on both breasts and reducing the size of my reconstructed breasts and “lifting” them.

Surgery went well and the recovery is going well too. The big bandages all came off on Monday during a visit to the plastic surgeon’s office, and the stitches will be coming out on Thursday.

I am off work until at least Thursday after the stitches come out. Most likely I will go back next Monday because while I start my days feeling great things go downhill by late afternoon and I am reaching for the pain tablets. My job requires me to be “on the ball” and my brain is a bit scattered this week after the general anaesthetic. My fourth general in the 16 months since the whole breast cancer experience started!

Today Angelina Jolie made public her BRCA positive status and her decision to have a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction. Her piece in The New York Times is brilliant. See it here:

Angelina’s choice in removing her breasts is a major step towards showing women that they have been blinded by the pink ribbons. Women on Twitter are already asking “why would she do this when breast cancer is so curable?”.

I have been answering any of these messages that I see tagged with #breastcancer. I have been telling women that they have been blinded to the truth about breast cancer. It is NOT really that curable. Early detection does not equal cure. Researchers have a long long way still to go until we can truly say that breast cancer at any stage is curable.

Got that message now everyone? I thank Angelina for her openness!

Now to get to the whinge…

Angelina Jolie, while helping publicise the reality of the decision, brushed over the reality of the process. She said “Two weeks later I had the major surgery, where the breast tissue is removed and temporary fillers are put in place. The operation can take eight hours. You wake up with drain tubes and expanders in your breasts. It does feel like a scene out of a science-fiction film. But days after surgery you can be back to a normal life.”

Days? How many days? She made it sound so easy!

Maybe it was easy for her. She’s fit and has the best help at hand. How many nannies have been reported? What does “getting back to work” really mean in her life?

Hmmm, I think I’m due for another pain tablet…

the never ending…

“active” treatment after my early stage breast cancer experience is over. I’m trying to get on with life. Back into my work (I’m a cancer clinical trial coordinator), my study (working my way slowly through a science degree) and the rest of my life.

THEORETICALLY all I am doing now is taking a Tamoxifen tablet everyday for the next 5 years, or 10 years if you follow the latest research.

But, throwing theory aside is what I want to do today…

The REALITY is that I am not only taking the Tamoxifen, with its accompanying side effects that I’ll tell you about another time, but I’m doing so much more. Today I…

1. Took a vitamin D tablet – may help strengthen bones and prevent metastatic disease.

2. Took a curcumin tablet – may help prevent metastatic disease.

3. Ate some walnuts because, you guessed it – may help prevent metastatic disease.

4. Included brocolli with our veges at dinner – may help prevent metastic disease.

5. Drank 2 cups of coffee – because recent research showed that women who drank 2 cups per day are less likely to develop metastatic breast cancer.

This is why todays post is called “never ending”. This experience is still dominating my life, and the choices I make everyday. This experience certainly appears never ending.

And, spare a thought for the women out there that already have metastatic breast cancer, or who go on to develop it. For them the experience is truly NEVER ENDING.

This past week, one of our Australian “sisters”, Angela, died of breast cancer.

I did not know her in person, and only knew her online (do visit the community boards if you have breast cancer, or are supporting someone with breast cancer) very briefly. During that brief time she made an impact on many of us.

I hope that I do not join the number of women with metastatic, grade 4, breast cancer but the reality is that I can’t be anything but aware that it could easily be me, even with all this brocolli! After all, life itself is not never ending for any of us…

In the meantime, I will continue to throw brocolli in every meal, and eat walnuts everyday. And I will continue to admire those amazing women, like Angela, shining a light before many. Showing other women how to move through the experience of metastatic breast cancer with grace and bravery in the face of disaster.

❤ Jenn

another year…

A year older today and thankful for it. This is a pic of the great present that my hubby got me – that made me cry this morning…

Despite the many challenges over the past year and the residual health fall-out from this past year, it has been filled with some great experiences. This is the year I found the lost family I had been searching for (half sisters and their children). The year when I loved catching up with the family I already knew. The year when circumstances brought me back in closer touch with quite a few friends who we had seen far too little of in recent times.

This year brought us to two weddings, both for young people that we watched grow up from their first years. It was wonderful of them to include us in their special days. We loved being able to watch them starting their married life together. Brought us so many memories of when we were as young as they, and just starting out.

To my wonderful children, and their partners: You have stepped up so far this past year and have helped make a difficult time much more bearable. I have loved my shopping expeditions with my girls. I have loved watching my son mature and move from his school years into university. And I have loved meeting and getting to know your partners (this applies to my almost children Becca and Matt as well!).

This year brought not only personal challenges for us, but also financial ones (that continue). My wonderful husband has not only had to cope with supporting me emotionally through all the breast cancer crap, but has also had to hold down his demanding full-time job and worry about how to pay all the bills, including the extra medical ones rolling in. His love has been unwavering. His levels of confidence in being able to keep us all afloat have been hit though. But, through all of this he has been my ROCK.

I have had many wonderful birthday messages and each one is appreciated, just as if everyone were here in our house sharing the day with us.

❤ Jenn